AUTHORSHIP - WRITING YOUR NEW STORY

For as long as I can remember, I have had the same old stories replaying in my heart and mind from childhood, all pain-body, heartache stories. What I now know to be Victim stories. And I was absolutely full of them; there was not much room for anything else to take hold really.

My main stories were pretty strong and serious, therefore hard to seriously let go of; including The death of my mother at age 10, The alcoholism and subsequent abuse by and of my father, the chaos, abuse and addiction by my brother, who had become a mini-me of my dad, and my inability to swim. All the stories had become weaved into the fabric of my identity, tattooed with invisible ink that I thought was permanent.

The story that I knew so well, as I've recently Changed it - as it challenged me was the latter - The Story of my inability to swim -which went something like this..

'My brother tried to drown me in swimming lessons when I was 5, as he learnt to swim extremely quickly and thought it would be funny to hold my head under the water for way too long, until I guess a trauma was imbedded in my psyche. A fear of Immersion, going too deep into the sea away from the shore where I couldn't stand was a No-go, and stayed embedded for close to four decades.’.

So, despite my many travels around the world, visiting many lands and seas, from the mediterranean to the pacific to the Atlantic to the Balkans, sea after sea, shades of blue layers of turquoise and sky blues and midnight blues, all were experienced from the comforts of the shore lapping at my feet. Because of this one shitty story!

Then one day , I truly felt into the power of writing and how so many possibilities of life I’d experienced that I never thought I could have, due to my ability to vision a new story., Then I felt this open expansiveness one  afternoon - while staring at the sea and a new thought came in with a lightness in its step, some joy and buoyancy- ‘What if you could swim? What if you start telling people you can swim, but just don't feel like it today? What if you started to tell a whole new story and let the old one fade?’

These Thoughts equally bothered and excited me as I felt into that possibility...

A few days later at a friend’s birthday by the Caves restaurant - a deep dive spot with stunning underwater caves; I had a chance to practice or rehearse at least what a new story could be… 

The day was hot and everyone had been in and out of the water for at least 3 hours and post-lunch I sat there staring at the sea, craving its salty freshness. I shouted out to the group ‘I can't swim guys but would like to go in, if anyone who has strong swimming ability and a lot of patience can take me out. That would be amazing.’ Sure enough Vera came along and got me in the sea and floating and snorkeling using the exact same language that I used in my Yin yoga classes, of feeling your comfortable edge then slowly coming away from it..She got me wearing her high tech snorkel and slowly looking under the sea, for the first time I saw the sun’s rays under the sea, penetrating the deep blue in such a mesmerising way it made my heart swell. The whole experience made me cry and was remembered for a long time..It also set me off on a committed mission to get swimming lessons, which I stuck with until I learnt.

Then I had a powerful snorkelling experience with another friend last year, where we swam off the reef and into the deep blue, with just my snorkel and the power of my breath. From that day on I started calling myself a Swimmer. Language and labels matter so much, as is the commitment to challenge the density of old stories. Trauma does create pain and victim stories, but holding onto them so tightly and allowing them to be our only identity was something I hadn't realised until I just stopped repeating the story and giving energy to a new possibility.

So I am speaking from a well of wisdom that came from knowledge integrated and before that information gathered. That I know the power of Telling a new story, and the joy and lightness that comes with Authorship. That word alone gets me very excited, especially as an avid reader since childhood when I was the nerdiest of all nerds. aka Mute Mary, I was consuming books at high speeds, books written by Authors. To give myself the ability to Author my own life, to have the utter freedom to dare to dream and write a new chapter in my story would be complete liberation and felt absolutely terrifying at the same time

I've known that I can create my life as I already have… I chose to leave home young, chose to travel instead of buying a house and I’ve chosen to do some pretty crazy things in my life. But this deliberate act of creation, in these times of destruction., feels so fresh and elevating that it's been all I've chosen to focus on for the last 4 months..To author my life, page by page, day by day has been a Revelation! I mean I always thought I have to reframe and gave new meaning to old fucken stories, which I've been doing and recycling my whole life - but recently with the influence of a very disciplined friend h had just written a whole book, I have become deeply inspired to start with a blank white page. Tell a new story, Like I did with the swimming, Go back to Beginners Mind, have the humility and patience to start from zero, to be in the unknown. Terrain I am utterly familiar with, as most of my life I have been floating in the darkness of the Unknown and had become quite comfortable and familiar with it.

I realised recently that the light of conscious awareness and attention had been lacking while I was in the darkness, as I was just trying to pass time to get through, not to get from it..Beyond reframed trauma stories and memories, No words can describe the change in Perception, except maybe Magic.

I am a lover of language, have been for a while, raised in Sydney by parents whose tongues were from different lands- English was the bridge between them, so a lot got lost in translation and misconstrued. My brother and I learnt Arabic off mum and ended up chatting about dad- sometimes in front of his face, as he didn’t understand and then he would reply in some German blasphemy, that e more or less understood by the tone.. SO, from an early age I see how language can create bridges or walls between humans.

I moved to London in my 20's - the epicentre and birthplace of the English language. - where I began to correct a lot of my Aussie slang though sadly never lost the twang and developed my own way to hang with words in different ways. On one of the many creative writing courses that I took, one brilliant teacher opened the course by stating that 'Words are Spells and language is encoded with many meanings, so you must learn to be deliberate with your Word Spells. She stated that line so succinctly and powerfully that it echoed into my bones for weeks , months and no years..

Just like the sShe stated that line so succinctly and powerfully that it echoed into my bones for weeks , months and possibly years. Just like that spell-breaking scene in The Labyrinth when Sarah says to Bowie; ‘You have no Power over Me…’

She had been the first to explain that what we write and the energy we charge the words with, give it life and allow it to become flesh. Which gives me flashbacks to church ays and the opening passage in the bible - In the beginning God created the word, the word became ..' So the word is literally what made creation get created. The Almighty had the power to create reality with some deliberate sounds that had meaning - Words and called it all into existence..

Now I do see how easily it is to both Create and Destroy with the power of our words and the story we are crafting..You have Authorship over your life, even if a new chapter feels daunting, you can start with just a paragraph, or even just write a new line of a new possibility. Writing prompts are literally what got me jump starting new paragraphs and stories. A whole line of thought that warps you...Like 'Because I am free, I get to...'  you carry on the sentence, which can be so powerful in entering new portals in your mind!

So at 44. I integrated this wisdom fully despite having the knowledge for a very long time, and not really doing much with it. Words are Spells! I now deeply Remember that!

You too have the ability to Author a completely different reality by giving sustained attention to the words you write and the thoughts you repeat to yourself. Also infuse imagery with the feeling of what's written, as Authorship becomes Manifestation when both the heart and mind are aligned.

If you zoom out and see the state of the world as it is right now, it's obvious that its been created and Authored by a bunch of stale pale males who are bloodthirsty paedophiles with a very limited vision of how beautiful the world can actually be, and already IS!

It is High time for all of us to actively take our power back and author our own lives outside this system of abuse, exploitation and the war machine that these old bastards have Authored. 

Systems collapse when we change the story ourselves and start with new lines that start to envision new stories that slowly start to build the new earth.

There's never been a more urgent time to start Writing your new story, Earth needs more loving sorties of justice, community, beauty and power to all the people.